Re: At This Moment

[SharpestLife19]

Grace spends a lot of her spare time thinking about what Mister Vincent had said. She decides to keep the fact that she's seen him again to herself, which pleases her mother anyway. Grace still isn't sure how she feels about it and it can be so incredibly difficult to tell no one sometimes! She starts writing down what she is thinking about so that she doesn't have to talk to the other kids or her mother about the things that are apparently not alright to discuss. The things that people don't mind, she continues to ask about. She likes to learn.

She keeps reading her Bible, but she also starts frequenting the library after school. She doesn't have to bother the librarian because she knows how to work the card catalog, so she finds the books on angels and plops down on the floor between the shelves to read. This way, nobody bothers her and she's not in the way. Besides, the librarian is a gossip and Grace knows people will talk if she is seen reading all the angel books.

As she reads, she has to wonder how anyone would know about what angels did and looked like unless they had met some, but then why did all the pictures have wings? Mister Vincent didn't have wings and he didn't wear a silly robe outfit. And Grace couldn't imagine him playing the harp. She had to wonder where all these notions had come from about angels and why so many were wrong. And if it was all wrong, why didn't one of them or God himself come down and tell the people so. Grace thought if she were God, she would tell people if they were getting everything wrong about his angels.

She sits on her stomach between the stacks, kicking her legs back and forth, pulled up on her elbows. She sometimes twists her braid around her fingers as she reads. When she reads about people who claimed to see angels, they were mostly treated badly. Some were killed, some were tortured, it was a generally bad thing. She can't understand why people would react so evilly to such a good thing. Everyone should want to see his own angel, not throwing stones at the person who did. It confused her.

She would continue to read the passages and think about them but she remained confused. It bothered her that she had no one she could talk to about it. Her friends didn't believe her the first time and she had decided not to talk to them again and her mother wouldn't be pleased if she started discussing angels again, so she stayed quiet and wondered.

[Sandkitten]

Unable to shake this thread of bonding between them, Vincent stops in without necessity to see how Grace is doing now and again, but he keeps to himself - no need to present himself to her if she's doing well enough on her own. He delights in the fact that she's taken up study at the library, though her area of interest is somewhat amusing to him. He supposes that as far as angels go, he's fairly a-typical in his bedside manner. No glowing aura of holiness, no grand display of winged benevolence... in fact, the only things strange that one might pick up on are his eyes, his ears (if they were ever uncovered), and his long hair, out of fashion at the moment. He prefers not to glammor his eyes, just as he prefers to keep his wings stowed - simply personal preferences.

When Grace begins to display a good deal of brow-furrowing and other indicators of frustration and perplexion, he decides it's time to appear once more. While she's having at her stack of books after school, he takes a seat beside her and allows himself to be visible to her. Picking up one of the books with pictures, he flips through it. "I'm sensing that something has you at odds with what you're finding in these books. Which, I assume, means you have questions."

The book he's holding has a few color illustrations taken as re-prints from an illuminated Bible. He runs his fingers down the page, scanning over the lines of text in Old English. "Quite a depiction they've got going on here. Guess I must have left my glitter and spotlights at home, this doesn't look like me at all."

[SharpestLife19]

When Mister Vincent appears, Grace smiles wide. She's glad he always seems to know what she's thinking about, it's kind of nice not to have to explain herself extensively. "These pictures are really wrong. Or do you really look like these and you just hide it?" She considers this momentarily, then wonders if he will be bothered if she asks too many questions. But she wants to know, so she keeps asking. "Mister Vincent, if people saw angels and they told other people, do you know what happened to them? I don't understand why people would do those things." She frowns, looking deeply upset. This is clearly very troublesome to her. "It doesn't seem right for people to react so evilly to such a good thing. Everyone should want to speak to an angel, not want to kill people who have."

She sighs, considering all that has happened. The War, her mother's sickness, everything. Grace couldn't understand why all these bad things happened. "Mister Vincent, I don't understand a lot. I don't understand why people are so mean sometimes, I don't understand why God lets all these bad things happen, I don't understand why good people get punished and bad people get rewarded...Nobody teaches you about these things." She sits up, looking at her feet. These things are so hard. She wonders if that is what the grown ups deal with everyday. "Mister Vincent, are these the things grown ups think about? Is that why so many are sad?"

[Sandkitten]

Vincent's eyebrows go up in a rare display of surprise as Grace's questions pour out. She certainly has a child's paradigm, but her concerns display a sense of maturity that make him question how someone so young can be concerned with the world in such a deep way. "That's a lot of questions... I can't answer all of them for you - that's something that life has to let you learn and decide for yourself, that's part of the Human experience. But I can tell you a few things, and point you in the right direction."

He sets down the book that he's been holding, and settles back against the bookshelf. "People are jealous creatures... and fearful. So when they hear that someone else has access to something powerful and wonderful, they want that power themselves. Someone who doesn't have that will be fearful or jealous of someone who does... and fear and jealousy cause people to be cruel."

He pats her on the foot, looking over the books strewn about the floor. "Those kind of things are what some people worry about. But generally, as people get older, they stop thinking about that kind of thing, and start thinking about themselves. I know it's difficult to understand, but don't dwell on it too much. You don't want to make yourself sick with worry."

Drawing something out of his pocket, he leans forward and holds it out to her. It's a small chain with a bead on it - it doesn't look like much, honestly. "Here, Grace... I want to give you this. I don't have all of the answers, and I won't be able to help you out of absolutely any mess... but if you ever NEED me, you can bring me to you with this. Think of it as... a prayer bead. Hmm, wrong continent. Think of it as... a rosary? You can say a prayer to bring me to you, but it will only work once. And it won't work for anyone but you. So don't lose it."

[SharpestLife19]

With wide eyes, Grace listens to Mister Vincent's reply. She tries to take it all in so she can remember it later. It's a lot to think about, especially for such a young girl. She does wonder what he means by "The Human Experience." He makes it sound so foreign. She still doesn't understand why people are mean and cruel. But she is told not to think about it and that sounds like a good idea to her, so she decides she won't worry about it anymore right now.

Grace takes the necklace in her hands, very pleased that Mister Vincent would give her anything. She rolls the bead around between her fingers. She had heard of a rosary before, but had never seen one nor did she know what to do with one. It was very nice to be able to say a prayer and get Mister Vincent to show up. She wished that God would be so prompt with answering prayers and couldn't decide if that was some kind of blasphemy, so she mentally apologized for thinking it. She offers Mister Vincent a smile. "Thank you very much! I'll wear it all the time so I'll always be ready if I need you."

[Sandkitten]

Vincent nods, but makes no other gesture or statement regarding the matter. Looking back down at the books around them, he gestures to them. Several of the books' pages flip, until each of them displays one of the pictures of an angel - some are engravings or carvings, some paintings, one a stained glass window... all of them have similar traits, but none of them are quite the same. "Tell me why this is what you've been studying. Why are you so fascinated with these stories, these depictions?" If she believes him to be an angel, then she'll find no evidence of anyone who looks like him in these pictures. And if she's looking for evidence to the contrary - well, she's unlikely to find that, either. At an age like hers, in this era, she should be more concerned with playing and building social skills. Instead, she's cooped up in a library with a bunch of books about religion - and she isn't even a religions sort.

[SharpestLife19]

She bites her lower lip as she thinks about that. She just shrugs. "I don't really know, Mister Vincent. It just seemed like something interesting." She glances at the pictures he has facing up. Grace still isn't sure why the pictures are so different from what Mister Vincent looks like. She looks from the pictures to his face. "Mister Vincent, do all the angels have red eyes? And if angels have red eyes, why are we told that red is usually evil? And if all the angels do look like you, then why do these pictures look nothing like you?"

[Sandkitten]

She just doesn't want to let go of that one thing, and it irritates him just the faintest bit. But he's already encouraged the child to ask questions. That doesn't mean that he can't pick and choose which questions to answer. "The color red wasn't always associated with evil - that's a new development in Western culture within the last few centuries, when some branches of religion began instituting the idea of an ultimate heaven and an ultimate hell - and that idea of hell is one of fire and brimstone. Creatures associated with fire are generally red, so that was the color associated with demons - and evil. If you do some research regarding religion a little farther back... pre-Christianity... you'll find much different ideas."

That'll put enough of an idea into her curious head to get her into other sections of the library - hopefully, for several years to come. "What you have to realize, is that when there is conflict, and two opposing ideas come against one another... whoever the winner is gets to publish their ideas. That doesn't always mean that those ideas are right, or wrong - just the strongest. It's your job to learn as many things as you can, and then to decide for yourself which ideas are the best you can find."

[SharpestLife19]

Grace looks perplexed. She wonders what those other ideas were before Christianity about red things. She finds it interesting that grown ups would view things so simply. She had always thought that was what kids were supposed to do. It seemed almost funny that grown ups would be so much like children. Grace would like to know if they are more alike than either would like to admit, but she figures maybe it makes a difference how old the grown up is. She thinks of asking Mister Vincent about that too, but she has a feeling he will say something about the human experience again. That makes her think of something else and suddenly, she's asking questions again. "Mister Vincent? I have another question. Since you're an angel, did you ever live like a human? Or are you something different?" She looks excited suddenly. "Have you been alive forever?" Her eyes light up and she jumps with glee. "Are you immortal?"

[Sandkitten]

Her questions are becoming more and more personal all the time - not that he has anything to hide, but he enjoys a certain amount of privacy to be kept, and she is just intent on leaping and bounding over lines. "Grace, your curiosity is wonderful, but you're asking very personal questions now - there's nothing wrong with them, but for the present, I prefer not to answer those questions. Perhaps one day, but not right now."

He closes the book in his hands and passes it over to her. "I've been given some work in a very faraway place for a while, so I won't be around as much, but when I can, I'll check in on you... whether you see me or not. And if you ever need me, you have that necklace to call me." He stands, and straightens his clothing, then briefly rests his hand on her head once more. "Take care of yourself, Grace."

[SharpestLife19]

Grace immediately ceases her excited bouncing and covers her mouth. "Oh, I'm terribly sorry! I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, Mister Vincent!" Her eyes are still wide, but now she has an apologetic look in them. "You don't have to tell me about that ever. It's your life." She offers him a sweet smile, hoping that he will forgive her.

She frowns. She doesn't like the idea that she'll be on her own and he will be in a very faraway place. But she does have the necklace. She turns the bead over between her fingers again. "Ok, Mister Vincent. I'll be good and if I need you, I will tell you." She plays with the necklace as she speaks. "Goodbye Mister Vincent."

[Sandkitten]

He smiles faintly down at her as she tries her best to look apologetic. "It's alright, Grace. I'm not upset." He pats her on the head, and then turns to go. "Goodbye." Once again, like a wraith, he disappears into thin air, as if he had never been there at all. The only proof she has is the single-bead necklace, and that could have come from anywhere.

Vincent's description of his distance from her was deceptively simple - truthfully, he's been given assignment on a completely different world, and while spanning the distance between the two isn't impossible for him to traverse at a moment's notice, he's hoping that it will be quite some time before she decides that she needs him badly enough to call him to her. He'll be keeping fairly busy - at least at first, given the description of his duties abroad.

[SharpestLife19]

During the time after Mister Vincent leaves, Grace continues to wear the bead for about six months before she takes it off one day to shower and forgets to put it back on. During this time she goes through a lot of growing up. First one of her best friends moves, leaving her and her other friend devastated for awhile. They eventually move on. When she isn't playing with her friends, she still goes to the library quite a bit but now she is more interested in stories with dogs in them. Grace wants a dog very badly, but she knows they can't afford one. And Mama said the apartment doesn't allow pets. Grace always thought that was a sad rule, but what can you do?

During the springtime when everything is in bloom, Grace finds herself in bloom as well. She has her first crush at school. She doesn't tell anyone, not even her friend Jean. The boy's name is Bobby and Grace likes the way he laughs. She often blushes when she's around him, but doesn't know why.

Later in the summer, her mom starts to date again. Grace isn't sure how she feels about that. She doesn't much like that she gets to spend less time with her mom. And although her dad passed away and she never really knew him, she feels like it's some kind of insult to him that her mom is dating someone else. Grace starts spending more time at her friend Jean's house, so that she doesn't have to be at home to think about what's going on there.

When Christmas rolls around Grace finds herself thinking of angels again. She had begun to believe that the angel was part of her imagination, but she had proof that he was real. She starts to wear the necklace again to remind her and she feels bad that she ever doubted the angel.

During the next year, Grace becomes more interested in what is popular and fashionable, which makes her really notice how poor she and her mother are. She is glad to have a growth spurt that causes her mother and her to make some new clothes for her. She goes into her mother's room when her mother isn't there and tries on her shoes and makeup. And she insists on doing her hair like her mother's now.

She's too busy now growing up to think about the angel thing, but she's beginning to think that she made it up again anyway. She continues to spend a lot of time with Jean, though now they talk a lot about boys. Grace wants to marry Cary Grant and Jean thinks that's funny. She prefers Clark Gable.

Summertime brings more changes. Her grandmother has a heart attack. Grace once again finds herself sitting in a sterile hospital room beside her mother. Though this time her mother is well and they sit beside her grandmother's bed. The doctors, nurses and her mother all talk in hushed voices, perhaps not to bother her grandmother but Grace thinks it's also for her. She doesn't want this special treatment, she can tell her grandmother is very ill. She expects she'll see Mister Vincent again.

Grace's grandmother passes away on July 17th, 1948. Grace didn't see Mister Vincent during the time they were in the hospital and she didn't see him at the funeral. When she gets home, she goes upstairs to her room. She's done her fill of crying and there isn't anymore left in her to cry out, but she's angry now. If Mister Vincent were real, then where was he? He wasn't doing his job and he wasn't watching out for her and he said he would. She searches for the necklace, casting things aside and not bothering to put them back. She holds the bead in her hand and asks the only question she wants answered right now. "Where were you?"

[Sandkitten]

There are several seconds of silence after her question, but then a blinding flash of light envelopes the room, and there's a brief deafening sensation, like a sonic boom just originated from the point in front of her, although there was no such sound that might alert others to his coming. If she peeked out through the light, she might also briefly see the silhouette of the tall man with what looks like wings spread wide behind him. It's hard to tell, but he also appears to be holding something... it's tall, like a staff, but there's a topper at the end that clearly indicates it is meant for something more sinister than leading. As the light disappears, however, so do the wings, and the weapon.

The man standing in front of her appears not to have aged a day since the last time she's seen him, though his clothing is different. They're not the flowing white robes that one usually associates with angels, as in the Renaissance portrayals, but they are robes of some sort. Though these are mesa red and volcanic ash colored, and they are of a style that Grace has likely never seen before - that would make sense, as they're not of a style from this world. His hair is also pulled back into a low braid, instead of flowing down his back.

Assessing that she's not in any immediate danger, which had been his original worry, he looks down at her as she clutches his bead in her hand, and is surprised to see the expression on her face. Her nose and ears are red, and her eyes are puffy - clear indicators that she's been crying. He's been vaguely aware of the unrest with her family, but certainly he wasn't expecting to come to her call when she appears to be upset with him. "You've been busy growing up, I see. And what do you mean, where was I?"

[SharpestLife19]

Grace is startled by the sudden and loud bang. Between that and the bright light, she ends up shielding herself expecting the worst. When the light subsides, she peeks cautiously out again before regaining her angry stance of feet wide apart and small fists at her side. Her fists aren't as small as they once were, although Mister Vincent appears not to have aged a bit.

She's confused by the bizarre outfit he has and the silly braid, but there isn't time for being perplexed. Right now, she's angry and he has to know it. She points an accusatory finger at the man in front of her. "You said you'd be here for me, and you weren't! You lied to me!" Her voice rises in volume as she spits the words at him. Her eyes threaten tears although she thought they were all finished with that.

[Sandkitten]

Vincent's countenance darkens slightly as he abides the girl's screamed accusation. When she's finished, trembling with unspilled tears and rage before him, he lets the silence between them percolate for several seconds before he opens his mouth. "I feel I need not remind you that by my choosing, you are the only one who can perceive my presence. If you want to yell at me, I can take us somewhere that no one will hear you." His voice starts off much colder than she's ever heard it, but his next words soften as he realizes the reason for her outburst. Of course, she's only human, and she can only see in a straight line. And she's young - so young. There's no way he can expect her to fully appreciate life's more difficult turns of event.

"I understand that you're upset at me... though I think it's unjust. I said that I would check in on you, when I could - and I have. You haven't seen me, but that's because you didn't need me... you didn't call for me. I never said that I would be watching your every step, around every corner - I'm not a guardian, Grace. That's not my job. I've been very far away, doing difficult work that isn't my own, because no one else could. But I'm here now."

[SharpestLife19]

Tears begin to fall down Grace's cheeks. She wants to be mad at Mister Vincent, she feels like he deserves it, but she feels a little bad for upsetting him nonetheless. At his first cold words, she fears he'll leave and then she'll be alone again. She doesn't understand why he would check on her without letting her know it. It seems silly.

But he is right, he's not her guardian. Maybe she should just grow up and forget about him. She sighs heavily, the anger slouching out of her body but replaced with sadness. "I'm sorry. It's not your fault. You can go now." Grace can't bring herself to look at him as she speaks, instead studying the chunk of mud on her shiny black shoes from the cemetery. That doesn't help make her feel any better.

[Sandkitten]

Seeing that she's redirected her emotions, he takes a step forward and places a hand on her shoulder. "If you called me here just to take your frustrations, I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed. You still strike me as needing something. And it's been a while - let's catch up a little bit." He catches sight of the mud on her shoe, and decides to start there. "Take me back there."

The room around them seems to fade, like it's behind water, and then there's a pitfall in her stomach as the world under them seems to rotate without them. When their surroundings solidify again, they're standing just off a ways from where the workers are just finishing putting the dirt back on her grandmother's grave. He stands there with her, hand on her shoulder, and reads the name on the gravestone, and the dates. "They cannot perceive either of us. Talk to me."

[SharpestLife19]

She isn't sure she wants to go back there, but before she knows it, they are going. The feeling in her stomach and the way the world gets all...watery..makes her want to throw up. She holds her stomach as the world reappears. She wipes tears from her eyes at the sight of the men burying her grandmother. She reaches out toward her grandmother's grave sadly. She looks like the ghost of Christmas Future from the old Christmas Carol movie as she points gravely at the tombstone. "That's my grandma."

She looks up at Mister Vincent, as if she thinks he could fix everything. She knows that isn't what he'll do, but she would like to at least feel better about all of this. "I thought you would be there when she was in the hospital." Her voice comes out as quiet as a whisper. "You didn't come."

[Sandkitten]

He leaves his hand on her shoulder and continues to gaze off at the freshly placed tombstone. "Grace... if I had come, there would have been nothing for me to do. If I was doing my usual job, I might have been there... but not to comfort you. I'm a Harbinger. I lay down the footsteps in which Death follows." He looks down at her. "The night I came to you first, and I saved your mother, I was only meant to stand at her bedside long enough to mark her for Death. Sometimes in life, people die before their time - it's just one of those unfortunate loose ends that no one can solve, because the Human experience is imperfect, as is the way mortality will be. But if I had been here with you, with your grandmother - I couldn't have done anything to stop Death for her. You see, one of the things that happens when you live, is that when you're finished living, you die. That's how it's supposed to be. Can you imagine the misery someone would endure if they continued living forever? Someone old has difficulty doing things themselves... if they just continued living forever, their body would still break down, until they could do nothing for themselves, and still they would live on."

He looks back at the grave once more, where the men are packing up their tools and leaving. "I am sorry that I wasn't here to comfort you during her passing. But believe me - she's not in any pain anymore, and given the alternative, this is what she would have wanted. She would want you to understand that, and to be happy that she's not suffering anymore."

[SharpestLife19]

She expected a response like this from him, but that doesn't stop her from being irritated by it. What good is someone who's just going to stand around and explain why things are going on and not bother with how it makes you feel. She weasels out from under his hand and steps away from him. She kicks at the dirt on the ground. "Mister Vincent, I'm sure you're right, but it doesn't make me feel better at all. It might actually be a little worse. So...go away now. Or send me home."

[Sandkitten]

It wasn't the reaction he was expecting, but he isn't very surprised by it. She's growing up, alright. Irritability, rebellion and all. She may not be treating him much like an angel - more like an imaginary friend, if anything - but at least she still formalizes his name. For whatever good that is. Putting his hands in his robes, he sighs within himself, but doesn't give any outward sign of the wear she's put on him. Traveling across the barriers of space and time can be difficult even to those who have mastered it, and to do so in the matter of a few second's notice is ridiculous. "Alright, Grace... I'll go. I don't know when I'll see you again... very likely, not for a long while. But I won't forget about you." "And I won't forget about your debt, if the need should ever arise," he thinks. He hopes she's still reading. And asking questions.

[SharpestLife19]

She doesn't have an answer for him. She's not even sure why she called him here. So he isn't imaginary, but he isn't any help either. Grace hopes he'll at least take her back home before he leaves. She doesn't want to be in the cemetery ever again. She reaches up and wipes some stray tears from her face. It gets tiring doing so much crying and she only wants to go home and go to bed. She doesn't say anything more to Mister Vincent, doesn't even look at him. She thinks he will forget her anyway.

[Sandkitten]

He can tell that she doesn't want to be here, so he reaches out and puts a hand on her shoulder just long enough to take them back to her room. The sensation probably does her no favors, but he hardly notices it. Once they're back where she belongs, he steps away from her, noticing that she's still holding his necklace. It's just a keepsake for her now - it will serve no purpose but decoration from now on. And it wasn't necessarily a handsome bead to start with - just a little pebble of a thing. But he's rather fond of pebbles.

"I'm sorry I couldn't have been more in touch with what you needed, Grace. If you're upset with me now, I hope that one day we can put things right between us again." He turns away, putting his hands back in his robes. "Take care of yourself, Grace. I'll think of you." Not sure when... years, he suspects. He'll try and check on her now and again, but until he has need of her, there's no point in interfering with her life further. "...goodbye."

He's gone without fanfare - no blinding light or sonic boom... just silence behind her, and when she turns to look, he's simply disappeared, as he had before.

[SharpestLife19]

The travel makes Grace feel ill again and she holds her stomach as they return. Once again, she has no answer for Mister Vincent. She listens to him, but she doesn't speak. With Mister Vincent's disappearance, Grace casts the necklace aside, feeling as if it didn't do her much good when it was useful and now it wasn't even that. She curls up on her bed, taking a plush dog into her arms and crying until she falls asleep. She doesn't think she'll see Mister Vincent again and she knows she won't see her grandmother again. Today was a day for goodbyes and she hates them.

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